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If you suspect you know who the affair partner is, tell their partner what you think is going on. Tell a close friend or family member what is going on and get the support that you need.
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Tell her that you aren't at the table anymore unless she is willing to come clean about her shady behavior, go no contact with the sparkly turd she is cheating on you with, get an STD test, allow you full access to her email and phone, and go to individual and marital counseling.
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Go get a free consultation from a lawyer about a divorce and make sure she knows you did it. Tell her you are no longer going to be in a relationship where she is cheating on you and that she can either change or you will file (by the way as long as she knows you aren't going to walk she is going to keep cheating).
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Stop begging and doing the pick me dance (read the chump lady blog). Who models for your kids what a marriage should be like and models how others should be treated. You deserve to be with someone who is willing to do what it takes to stay in this marriage. She wants a sparkly affair fantasy while you work and help take care of the kids and maintain her image. In the words of chump lady, your spouse wants to have her cake and eat it too. And by the way she is terrified of being caught because that would kill this whole fantasy world that she is living in. Wouldn't you have shown her whatever it took to make it clear that nothing was going on? Why threaten divorce if you're innocent? She sounds scared as heck to me and she intimidated you into dropping it BECAUSE SHE WOULD RATHER CONTINUE CHEATING than address what is happening in your marriage. If she had accused you of cheating, think of how you would have responded. I think you have all the evidence you need. I dont think that you need to wait for definitive proof. Get in touch with him now cause he’s the bestman for hacking, tell him from javier so you get attended to quickly.